Five Tales of Moldywarts and What Came After
by Cassandra Riley
Summary: Written with Alexa Deimos. Read the title. Then read the tales.
1. The First Tale

**Moldywarts and the Harrowing Decision **

"Right," Dolohov said. "Not Yellow Devils and not Super Skulls. We need a good name!"

"What about Hell-bent Homicidals?" asked Rosier enthusiastically, knocking over his mug of coffee.

"No, no. Too long," Lucius muttered, tapping his cane insistently against his chair.

They were sitting around a table in the Hog's Head, sipping various beverages and arguing persistently. A little way away, Moldywarts (as they secretly called him) sat muttering to himself agitatedly.

"_Now _what's he complaining about?" Rookwood grumbled, receiving a kick under the table from Lucius.

"Oh, he's on about that prophecy again," Dolohov supplied. "I'm off to the bar. Drinks, anyone?"

"I'll have a Firewhiskey," called Rodolphus Lestrange, draining his glass. "And that's an idea. Why don't we call ourselves the 'Fire Eaters'?"

"Too conspicuous," complained Lucius, rolling his eyes irritably.

"Why don't _you_ suggest something then?" demanded Bellatrix, who was becoming impatient.

"Death Eaters!" Rosier shouted, and in his excitement, knocked over a bottle of Butterbeer that sloshed all over Bellatrix, who screeched and sent the salt shaker flying, only to hit Moldywarts on the head.

Moldywarts shrieked in anger, and all his followers fell deathly silent. He brandished his wand, still screaming madly, and killed stone-dead the first moving thing he saw, which just so happened to be a gerbil. Satisfied, Moldywarts stowed his wand away and sat down quite normally as though nothing had happened.

Gradually, his followers began to talk in hushed voices.

"You idiot, Rosier!" Lucius snapped.

"Sorry, sorry," Rosier insisted, "but I really think it's a good name."

"What, 'Death Eaters'?" Bellatrix sneered, dabbing at her damp clothes.

"What about…Corpse Crunchers?" Pettigrew, who was new to the rank, suggested timidly.

The table quietened, and everyone gazed thoughtfully into space.

"Corpse Crunchers," Dolohov repeated. "I am Antonin Dolohov, and I am a Corpse Cruncher… I quite like it."

Pettigrew flushed proudly, while Rosier sat back in his chair and sulked.

"I think it's a ridiculous name," Lucius said, disliking Pettigrew all the more. "It sounds like something out of Star Wars."

"What's Star Wars?" they asked, confused.

"Erm," Lucius said, averting his eyes. "Nothing," he muttered.

"Well, I disagree," Rodolphus disagreed. "It's new, it's interesting, and no one is going to forget it."

"Well no one is going to forget the 'Fellowship of the Ring', either, but we're not going to call ourselves that," Rosier muttered.

He received several odd looks. Everyone then jumped and turned, as Moldywarts leapt up and exclaimed, "That's it! No wait, no…" he sat down again, absently petting the dead gerbil.

The followers let out a sigh of relief.

"What about…'The Prophesiers'?" Alecto Carrow suggested.

"I thought we'd decided on Corpse Crunchers," Pettigrew squeaked.

"I actually rather do like Death Eaters as well," Dolohov added as an afterthought.

"Alright, alright," interrupted Lucius. "Let's have a vote. Death Eaters or Corpse Crunchers?"

In the end, the vote came to a tie. Half of them wanted Death Eaters and the other half preferred Corpse Crunchers.

"Let's ask our leader," someone piped up.

They agreed and Dolohov stood up.

"My Lord," he called. "We need your counsel."

Moldywarts heaved a sigh and turned to face them. Dolohov continued.

"Which name do you prefer, my Lord? Death Eaters, or Corpse Crunchers?"

Moldywarts stared at him incredulously. "I care not!" he snapped.

"But, my Lord!" Rosier exclaimed. "As your followers we need a name. To spread fear, so to speak."

"And Corpse Crunchers is going to spread fear?" Lucius snapped, one eyebrow raised.

"Well, I…" Rosier faltered, and he examined his fingernails.

"Fine, fine," Moldywarts interrupted. "I pick the last one alphabetically."

His followers stared at him. "My Lord?"

"You heard my decision, now bugger off!"

Rosier grinned happily, bouncing in his seat and trying not to stick his tongue out childishly at Pettigrew. "Death Eaters it is," he declared.

Later, when the decision had been decided, Bellatrix muttered, "You know, we could've mixed the two: Corpse Eaters."

"Too late now," Lucius sighed. "We're Death Eaters for all eternity. How depressing."


	2. The Second Tale

**Moldywarts and the Curse of the Killer Flu**

Moldywarts grinned evilly. This would surely bring about Potter's downfall. Grasping the jar protectively in his hands, he signalled for Snape to let the boy in.

"Voldemort!" Harry said on arrival. "I have come to destroy you once and for all!"

Moldywarts grinned. "And how, Potter, do you propose to do that?"

"I have the power you know not!" Harry insisted.

"And what, pray tell, is that?"

"Well, I'm not going to tell you, am I, because then you'll know it."

Moldywarts frowned. "Good point, well made."

Harry grinned triumphantly and brandished his wand.

"Well, it is of no matter," Moldywarts continued conversationally. "Because you see, unbeknownst to you, I also have a power that you and that fool Dumbledore know not."

Harry looked for a moment uncertain, but then, confidently, he said, "You're lying."

Moldywarts scowled. "I am not. Don't be foolish. With this invention shall I smite you."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire," taunted Harry.

"Well, don't you want to know what I have in store for you?"

"No!" Harry said quickly, but he seemed less than sure.

"Well, I'm going to tell you anyway," Moldywarts grinned. "The flu!" he declared.

"What?!" Harry said, puzzled. "Flu?"

"Indeed," Moldywarts agreed. "Flu." He flaunted the jar in front of Harry's nose. "This, Harry Potter, is a more dangerous substance than you, the Boy Who Lived, could ever hope to lay your filthy hands on. _This_ is… _Killer_ Flu!"

Harry stared disbelievingly at the jar. "Are you sure? It looks like a cloud to me."

"Of course I'm sure!" Moldy snapped, affronted.

Meanwhile, in the background, Snape watched the encounter with a quiet interest, staring almost continually at Moldywarts' bald patch.

"Kill!" Moldywarts cried with gusto, and cackling evilly he unscrewed the jar, while Harry watched with mounting trepidation. With a final flourish, Moldywarts threw the open jar at Harry, who in his shock, simply stood there, mouth open.

POP, went Harry, and Moldywarts stared at the spot where Harry had stood in confusion. A loud ZZZZZZZ noise emerged buzzing from where Harry had been.

Warily, Moldywarts took a step backwards, unsure of what was happening.

"My Lord," Snape said. "Perhaps it was the wrong jar?"

"Well then fly, fool, fly, and get me the right one!" Moldywarts cried angrily. "Where is that damn Potter brat?"

ZZZZZZZ came the reply from behind Moldywarts ear, and Harry proceeded to sting and bite every available piece of skin of Moldywarts enthusiastically. Snape watched with horrified fascination, before recovering himself and racing off to get the jar.

Moments later he returned with the correct jar, which he lobbed at Moldywarts. Unfortunately, it hit him on the head, and Snape only just ducked the vengeful killing curse that flew his way.

Moldywarts fumbled for the lid of the jar. "Have this, Potter!" and he threw the jar into the air where the buzzing was coming from. With a CRACK, Harry appeared, looking slightly relieved and then alarmed at the bizarre amount of coughing and sneezing coming from him.

"Damn! (sneeze) I've (cough) got Killer (splutter) Flu!"

Snape snickered, and Harry staggered into him with a giant sneeze, knocking him over.

Presently, Harry gave an enormous splutter and died in a frenzy of coughing.

Laughing insanely, Moldywarts turned and left the room calling "Come, Severus! It is time to celebrate!"

"Coming (sneeze) my Lord!"


End file.
